Hey kids!

Merry Christmas!  I just learned that Jesus was born in May, so why do we celebrate in December?  I don't know either.  Maybe it's because of Santa?  I dunno, it's confusing.  Seriously I'm wondering about this, so if anyone knows write it in the comments section.

It is probably nicer for people to have the possibility of snow and to sit around a warm fire.  Santa would look really dumb wearing all that red velvet, flying with reindeer and a sleigh, eating cookies and milk, ho-ho-ho'ing and sweating his balls off in May.  On the other hand, it would make it much easier for people to travel during the holidays if it was a little bit warmer.

So what do you think?  Should we move Christmas to May? Let's do it ya'll!  Then we really would be celebrating 'fo reals yo', like the actual date instead of some symbolic day in December.  Because really, December already has it pretty good.  It gets sandwiched between Thanksgiving and New Years.  What self respecting holiday gets the proverbial eiffel tower treatment?  None! And that's why we should start a movement to get Christmas changed to May. 

I guess we could leave Hanukkah where it is so the real Jews (I'm only half, which means I'm not real) can have their holiday in peace. Then they wouldn't have to be sad about eating chinese and going to the movies because everything else is closed on December 25th. Instead, it would be some random day in May, and that would be totally awesome!

 (picture from southpark & mattstone blog)

Film about 90's drug salesman possibly filmed in the 90's

Ok ya'll I'm going to depart from my normally scheduled blog posts to do a movie review for my good friend JT Street of Fox News and Santikos movie blogs- http://blog.santikos.com

Love and Other Drugs with Jake Gyllenhaal and Anne Hathaway had a lot of promise.  It started out with copious amounts of gratuitous sex between Jamie (Jake Gyllenhaal) and random girls, which then proceeds to lots of gratuitous sex between Jamie and Maggie (Anne Hathaway). Jaime is a sales guy working for Pfizer, with a cold heart and a hard dick- he is in it to win it.  Maggie is a sexy hippy artist/waitress who has early onset Parkinson's.  It had many funny moments, and the sex scenes were believable.  If you enjoy romantic comedies that are very reminiscent of the 90's (think Jerry Maguire, only not as good) then you will enjoy this movie. 

My issue with it was that I went in with expectations, and if you want to enjoy a movie you should never do that (have expectations that is).  It lacked a realistic ending that I expect from movies made in 2010.  Certain romantic scenes were really cheesy and lacked depth.  Anne Hathaway is a fantastic actress and very believable in this movie, however Jake's acting at the end of the movie took a turn for the worse.  His diatribe seemed forced and over-acted, and the movie overall gives the impression that it was sponsored by Pfizer.  If you have nothing better to do and have already seen Black Swan, then go see this movie.  I'm going to give it 3 out of 5 bags of popcorn, because both characters look pretty good with their clothes off and Anne Hathaway's acting was pretty decent.

I'm hungry...want some meth?

All of my posts should probably start with...once I was hungry, then I ended up in the back seat of a ______ and the middle of _____.  The blanks this time happened to be a hummer and a meth deal.  SWEEETTTT!

Preface:

My dear friend M says, "hey do you want to go to a pool party, out in Kennesaw Georgia?  It will be really fun, and low key, just a few people."

Me: "Ok, give me the address I'll meet you there."

I show up, it's M, her boyfriend, a couple of other dudes and a chick.  One of the dudes owns the house and is a former police officer.  We're having fun swimming, talking, etc until I decide I'm hungry and they're all whispering over in a corner about who knows what.  So M goes, "hey, you wanna go on a ride along? We can stop for food."  I get into the back of her boyfriend's huge ass hummer, all excited to go find food when they ask, "hey is it cool if we go meet this guy it will only take a second?"  I'm like, "ok as long as I can get some food."  This is perfect because we pick the guy up in the parking lot of a burger king.  Hallaluja! FOOODDDDD.

I scoot over to let this very skinny white kid in the car, only to notice the horrific smell emanating from him.  I thought to myself, wow this guy smells homeless like he hasn't showered in weeks. The guy was maybe 18 or 20, and all I wanted to do was feed him a hamburger.  He was sooooo skinny!  Then I notice, hmm I can't feed him a hamburger because he only has like a few teeth.  Whoa, Ok, so he can't eat, but he can't be homeless because he has a backpack and clothes.  What the hell is going on? 

Then he pulls out some baggies of white powdery stuff and I realize we were never there to get food, and sadly because everyone else is geeked but me we will probably go back without food.  I still had no idea what the substance was because at this time I was very naive and had never been around people doing drugs.  On the way back to the house my friend M very non-chalantly tells me it's meth and that it's totally fine they only do it ever now and then. 

So we head on back to the house, where I quickly realize those on meth don't need food, or even think about food.  So, as I'm rummaging around the kitchen trying to find something yummy I get into a lively debate with the owner of the house about drugs and meth.  He chooses the pro drug side, and swears up and down that because he's a cop he knows what's right and what's wrong.  He also mentions how he takes care of his two year old son just fine, and that he only does drugs when his son is not in the house.  Hmm ok, that's lovely.  So meth is just a casual thing now?  Awesome!

I have no idea what happened after that because I was hungry, tired and wanted to go home to read a book. 

Kay Jewelers - Storm Commercial...

Is scary.  Seriously.  Most of ya'll probably have seen this add before, but I don't have a TV with cable so I caught it on hulu last night.  Is anyone else creeped out by this commercial?  If anyone said something to me like that I would run away.  Too bad for that chic- she's going to get chopped into little bitty pieces...I watch horror movies, that's always how it goes.  duh!  

Christmas Threw up Here.

Thankfully, I'm not dead yet.  However, I almost crashed my car driving down Broadway this evening looking at the shiny sparkling lights.  I know I have major ADD but seriously, this time it wasn't just me.  Another car ran a stop light almost causing a collision.  Thank you to UIW (University of the Incarnate Word) for the beautiful scenery.  Just a warning to all my San Antonio friends...don't drive on Broadway at night unless you want to DIE! 

UIW's website states there are over 800,000 lights on display throughout their campus.  I love pretty sparkly things, but not near major roads where people should be paying attention to driving...

According to the Fairmount hotel's website "The lights go on at sunset every night, and are open for the public to view at no cost. Every tree on the campus perimeter is covered with bright twinkling lights which come together to form a whimsical archway for sightseers to pass through."
Are they trying to lure sightseers to a whimsical fiery death?  Trees and lights are highly flammable; as are cars filled with gasoline after they crash and burn due to drivers being blinded or confused by all the decorations.  Good try San Antonio...but I'll be avoiding this Christmas spectacular at all costs. 

My dad is the real life version of Peter Griffin...

And I will prove it to you:

real life:

He doesn't have his glasses on in this picture but I can assure you when they're on it's almost spot on.

Things they have in common: corny sense of humor, fart jokes, a loving wife and children, political views.

Things they don't have in common: education (my dad has a PhD, I don't think Peter got past the fourth grade), babies with heads shaped like a football plotting world domination, talking dogs.

Ok, this was supposed to be hilarious and spot on but apparently it is not.  Maybe my dad is like a real life version of Peter if Peter was literate and could write articles like this:

http://www.americanthinker.com/2009/07/peggy_noonan_sarah_palin_jealo.html

I drew this for you...

I hope you like it.  Let's talk about the holidays, and how I can't stand most of them.  The only holiday I really enjoy is Halloween, and it's not even a real holiday.  Here is why I like Halloween:

You get to dress up, usually for multiple nights in a row, and be whatever you want.  It's pretty sweet.  This year I was a cavewoman and my friend was a t-rex.  A few years ago in Atlanta I was dressed as either roadkill or a dead hooker, depending on how you interpret yellow caution tape wrapped all over, a wife beater with tire tracks, mini skirt, and red fishnet thigh high stockings.  Here's a picture:

Ok got a little off track, because I love Halloween so so much.  Thanksgiving is fast approaching, and the only reason I enjoy this holiday is because of all the food associated with it.  I should probably have gone home to my parents in Virginia for this amazing day of all you can eat gluttony, however I am not good at planning and did not get a ticket in time.  So I'm here in Texas, trying to figure out what to do. 

Usually people adopt me during holidays, I'm guessing out of pity because they don't want me to be alone or because they love my company so so so much and just can't get enough.  I'm going to go with the former.  I will probably end up going to corpus because my bestie has enticed me with the promise of food and tampons.  Most people would be concerned about the fact that someone would drive 3 hours just to be fed, but anyone who knows me realizes it makes perfect sense.  The good thing is I am a pro at facebook stalking and may have a ride down there.  We shall see.